“And when you get to where you’re going, turn around and help her, too. There was a time, not long ago, where she was you.”
I began my professional career over two decades ago within the field of autism. I had no idea that I would eventually become very personally acquainted with autism as well, both as a wife and a mother. After my then-husband’s ASD diagnosis, it was startling to realize how few resources were available for neurotypical wives. We were very fortunate to have a psychologist who deeply understood the difficulties in our relationship, and she taught both of us a great deal about one another. I believe our marriage only lasted as long as it did because of her presence in our life. We saw her together and individually for many years – which most importantly meant that I wasn’t alone with my pain. Additionally, I was involved with this work from almost the beginning – so I also had the benefit of knowing that I was not alone in experiencing the complexities of neurodiverse marriage.
In total, I was married for 18 years to my autistic husband before we separated and divorced. We have three children, and they have multiple neurodivergent diagnoses. We continue to co-parent together. I believe that two people formerly married can still treat one another as family for the sake of their children, even if the marriage no longer exists.
To answer a common question: do I believe all neurodiverse marriages should end in divorce? Of course not. Each marriage has unique considerations, and divorce is certainly not the path nor goal for everyone. I’m also very aware of how difficult it can be to leave, even when it’s desired, and how contentious a divorce can become within a neurodiverse dynamic.
Because I am respectful of my children and former husband’s privacy, I do not identify my name on this website. In addition to over two decades spent in the field of autism, I very much attribute my family’s unique neurology, gifts, vulnerabilities and challenges as an irreplaceable element of why I am able to offer effective help to others. Thanks for your respect and understanding for my loved ones.