The role of fear in the neurodiverse relationship

When the neurotypical wife marries her autistic husband after a dating period that was likely spent basking (unknowingly) in the role of his special interest, the attention of those early months or years is deeply imprinted upon her heart and mind. She is built for tenderness, connection and reciprocity. Having received such devotion for anContinue reading “The role of fear in the neurodiverse relationship”

The harm of minimizing neglect in a neurodiverse marriage

In our society, the concept of physical abuse is perceived as more egregious than other forms of abuse, and certainly more heinous than the idea of neglect. If a woman has been physically harmed, it is more universally accepted as intolerable behavior from an intimate partner. Outsiders to the marriage have an easier time imaginingContinue reading “The harm of minimizing neglect in a neurodiverse marriage”

Why does a neurotypical wife choose an ASD husband?

Many neurotypical wives struggle with understanding how they were drawn to choose their ASD partner, when so much of the marriage has been spent longing for emotional engagement. With highly empathic natures – how did they not recognize his difficulty with emotional reciprocity? Masking during the dating phase is very real, and certainly a significantContinue reading “Why does a neurotypical wife choose an ASD husband?”

Why do ASD husbands experience neurotypical feelings as an attack?

The communication difficulties between NT/ASD partners is usually a primary source of conflict, hurt and misunderstanding. The neurotypical wife feels very isolated and hopeless when the ASD husband is unable to receive her feelings and perspective. A neurotypical woman needs her intimate partner to be her softest place to land, the primary spot where sheContinue reading “Why do ASD husbands experience neurotypical feelings as an attack?”

Autism & Grief for the NT wife

The autism community is frequently vocal about how marginalized they feel when neurotypicals share their personal experience of marriage with ASD partners. They often express that neurotypicals have a lack of tolerance for autistic behaviors, that we perpetuate negative stereotypes of autism, that we are ableist and discriminatory and infantalizing (by merely voicing our perspective).Continue reading “Autism & Grief for the NT wife”

The Impact of Porn Use on a Neurodiverse Marriage

Many neurodiverse marriages are sexless. Quite often, the neurotypical wife is deeply grief-stricken at the lack of sexual intimacy in her marriage. She mourns the physical connection she hoped to have with her ASD husband. It’s too embarrassing to confide in any of her friends that her husband won’t have sex with her, so she’sContinue reading “The Impact of Porn Use on a Neurodiverse Marriage”

Sensory Issues & Sex in a Neurodiverse Marriage

Sensory issues can be the root of much heartbreak in the sexual dynamics of a marital relationship between a neurotypical wife and her ASD husband. Neurotypical wives often come to me with a deep sense of shame, despair and sorrow that they have not had sex with their autistic husbands in years. Some will shareContinue reading “Sensory Issues & Sex in a Neurodiverse Marriage”

The Life Cycle of a Neurodiverse Relationship

Why does the neurodiverse marriage seem to worsen over time, and what does that do to the neurotypical wife? One of the biggest sources of confusion for the neurotypical wife is why and how the dating period was so amazing, but everything seemed to change shortly after moving in together. She goes through the variousContinue reading “The Life Cycle of a Neurodiverse Relationship”

Why do NT wives minimize their needs?

A neurotypical wife is usually responsible for the emotional labor and practicalities in the neurodiverse family. She is the one who looks at the big picture and makes life happen. She picks up on the nuances – the sensitivities and vulnerabilities of her ASD spouse, her autistic or ADHD children, and all the special considerationsContinue reading “Why do NT wives minimize their needs?”

Where do we draw the line in a Neurodiverse Marriage?

We know that ASD partners have different neurology. They are more susceptible to overwhelm from daily life in a world of neurotypical expectations. How do we integrate this awareness into our marriages and families, while still holding boundaries of what is and is not acceptable behavior? Examples of reasons an ASD husband may feel burdenedContinue reading “Where do we draw the line in a Neurodiverse Marriage?”