Winter holidays often come with many expectations in our culture. Cozy togetherness, matching pajamas, gatherings with family, parties with co-workers and friends. It’s a season of preparation. We plan, we shop, we bake, we select gifts, we wrap them carefully. We look forward with anticipation to sharing love and connection within our most special relationships.Continue reading “The Private Hell of Holidays in a Neurodiverse Marriage”
Category Archives: trauma
Can Abuse be Attributed to an Autistic Spouse?
October was Domestic Violence Awareness month. (And as much as I wanted to post this blog in the appropriate month, I couldn’t quite make it happen.) During October, survivors, advocates and allies come together in hopes of raising awareness, mourning the tragedy of lives lost, and discussing the trauma and experience of intimate partner violence.Continue reading “Can Abuse be Attributed to an Autistic Spouse?”
The Barren Desert of Emotional Reciprocity
Of all the various categories that require reciprocity in marriage, emotional reciprocity is at the heart of intimacy for a neurotypical wife. She is inherently drawn toward connection, and she desires the mutuality of synchrony with her husband. Since warm, loving, intimate relationships are a necessity for her neurology, the presence of chronic impassivity fromContinue reading “The Barren Desert of Emotional Reciprocity”
The Missed Experiences of Cassandra’s Life
Trauma events, while painful to discuss, can be articulated to empathic listeners. It’s possible to describe what happened to us with great detail, including the distress we experienced during and after the event. But what happens when we are traumatized by non-events? Just as neglect is difficult to characterize, so too is the absence ofContinue reading “The Missed Experiences of Cassandra’s Life”
The Extended Family System of a Neurodiverse Marriage
Partners in a neurodiverse marriage often have families of origin with various complexities, many of which may impact the marital life in significant ways. For neurotypical wives, the most difficult aspect is the lack of support from extended family members. When families of origin aren’t burdened by pervasive mental health disorders, addictions, generational trauma, neurodiversityContinue reading “The Extended Family System of a Neurodiverse Marriage”
The role of fear in the neurodiverse relationship
When the neurotypical wife marries her autistic husband after a dating period that was likely spent basking (unknowingly) in the role of his special interest, the attention of those early months or years is deeply imprinted upon her heart and mind. She is built for tenderness, connection and reciprocity. Having received such devotion for anContinue reading “The role of fear in the neurodiverse relationship”
Why does a neurotypical wife choose an ASD husband?
Many neurotypical wives struggle with understanding how they were drawn to choose their ASD partner, when so much of the marriage has been spent longing for emotional engagement. With highly empathic natures – how did they not recognize his difficulty with emotional reciprocity? Masking during the dating phase is very real, and certainly a significantContinue reading “Why does a neurotypical wife choose an ASD husband?”
The Impact of Porn Use on a Neurodiverse Marriage
Many neurodiverse marriages are sexless. Quite often, the neurotypical wife is deeply grief-stricken at the lack of sexual intimacy in her marriage. She mourns the physical connection she hoped to have with her ASD husband. It’s too embarrassing to confide in any of her friends that her husband won’t have sex with her, so she’sContinue reading “The Impact of Porn Use on a Neurodiverse Marriage”