Our introductory post regarding Pathological Demand Avoidance can be found here. As a behavioral profile of autism, PDA is exceptionally challenging to navigate in a neurodiverse relationship. By its nature, marriage intrinsically necessitates collaboration – which requires reasonable agreeability on the part of both spouses. If a PDA partner chronically pursues autonomy at the expenseContinue reading “Part 2: The Antithetical Nature of “Partnership” with a PDA Spouse”
Tag Archives: autism in marriage
The Private Hell of Holidays in a Neurodiverse Marriage
Winter holidays often come with many expectations in our culture. Cozy togetherness, matching pajamas, gatherings with family, parties with co-workers and friends. It’s a season of preparation. We plan, we shop, we bake, we select gifts, we wrap them carefully. We look forward with anticipation to sharing love and connection within our most special relationships.Continue reading “The Private Hell of Holidays in a Neurodiverse Marriage”
Can Abuse be Attributed to an Autistic Spouse?
October was Domestic Violence Awareness month. (And as much as I wanted to post this blog in the appropriate month, I couldn’t quite make it happen.) During October, survivors, advocates and allies come together in hopes of raising awareness, mourning the tragedy of lives lost, and discussing the trauma and experience of intimate partner violence.Continue reading “Can Abuse be Attributed to an Autistic Spouse?”
The Barren Desert of Emotional Reciprocity
Of all the various categories that require reciprocity in marriage, emotional reciprocity is at the heart of intimacy for a neurotypical wife. She is inherently drawn toward connection, and she desires the mutuality of synchrony with her husband. Since warm, loving, intimate relationships are a necessity for her neurology, the presence of chronic impassivity fromContinue reading “The Barren Desert of Emotional Reciprocity”
The Deprivation of Sense-Making for Cassandra
As human beings, we have a desire to understand our experiences, our relationships, our world and ourselves. When events occur that are surprising, unusual, or substantially outside of our expectations, we are driven to consider what factors influence the occurrence. We often don’t realize that sense-making is automated until we are confronted with a disruption.Continue reading “The Deprivation of Sense-Making for Cassandra”
Alexithymia, Mind-blindness & Sexual Dysfunction in ASD-NT Marriages
Physical intimacy within a neurodiverse marriage is often problematic. While not a universal problem, it is frequently a devastating reality. Various circumstances contribute to sexual dysfunction in an AS-NT marriage. (Sensory issues and porn addiction are frequently contributing factors, discussed in more detail here and here.) Additionally, two often overlooked components of sexual dysfunction areContinue reading “Alexithymia, Mind-blindness & Sexual Dysfunction in ASD-NT Marriages”
The Criminalization of Emotion in Neurodiverse Marriages
Alexithymia is a condition in which one struggles to identify and verbalize emotion. It is closely associated with autism, as approximately half of ASD individuals meet criteria for alexithymia. The absence of emotional awareness from an ASD husband is a significant issue within neurodiverse marriages, as the disparity between himself and his neurotypical wife isContinue reading “The Criminalization of Emotion in Neurodiverse Marriages”
The Missed Experiences of Cassandra’s Life
Trauma events, while painful to discuss, can be articulated to empathic listeners. It’s possible to describe what happened to us with great detail, including the distress we experienced during and after the event. But what happens when we are traumatized by non-events? Just as neglect is difficult to characterize, so too is the absence ofContinue reading “The Missed Experiences of Cassandra’s Life”
The Extended Family System of a Neurodiverse Marriage
Partners in a neurodiverse marriage often have families of origin with various complexities, many of which may impact the marital life in significant ways. For neurotypical wives, the most difficult aspect is the lack of support from extended family members. When families of origin aren’t burdened by pervasive mental health disorders, addictions, generational trauma, neurodiversityContinue reading “The Extended Family System of a Neurodiverse Marriage”
The Authoritarian Father & Stupid Child in a ND marriage
In some neurodiverse marriages, a father-daughter dynamic develops early on in the relationship. The ASD partner appoints himself as the authority figure, devolving over time into micromanaging his wife. It’s important to note that this type of parental interplay is highly different from the mother-son dynamic in ND marriages. What factors contribute to the father-daughterContinue reading “The Authoritarian Father & Stupid Child in a ND marriage”