In some neurodiverse marriages, a father-daughter dynamic develops early on in the relationship. The ASD partner appoints himself as the authority figure, devolving over time into micromanaging his wife. It’s important to note that this type of parental interplay is highly different from the mother-son dynamic in ND marriages. What factors contribute to the father-daughterContinue reading “The Authoritarian Father & Stupid Child in a ND marriage”
Category Archives: neurodiverse marriage
The Surrogate Mother & Defiant Child in a ND Marriage
Healthy spouses have no desire to parent each other. They want a reciprocal partner, lover, companion, and equal. Ideally, a marriage is complementary. Both partners bring different strengths and gifts to the relationship, contributing equally to the care and maintenance of the marriage – but not the upkeep, nor management, of the other person. HealthyContinue reading “The Surrogate Mother & Defiant Child in a ND Marriage”
The Special Interest of Every Neurotypical Wife
After being discarded as the special interest of her ASD husband, the neurotypical wife is desperate to understand what is happening. She becomes obsessed with decoding her autistic spouse, though ASD may not even be on her radar for months or even years. She tirelessly strives to understand his myriad of unfamiliar behaviors that ultimatelyContinue reading “The Special Interest of Every Neurotypical Wife”
Is it an autistic shut down, or an ASD shut out?
What are the differences between an autistic shutdown, autistic burnout and a common (but less defined, and rarely discussed) dynamic in neurodiverse marriage – the autistic shut out? What is an autistic shutdown? An autistic shutdown in is a short-term reaction to overwhelm. Perhaps the autistic individual has masked for an extended period of time,Continue reading “Is it an autistic shut down, or an ASD shut out?”
The Adversarial Dynamic of a neurodiverse marriage
When the neurodiverse marriage has spiraled into severe disenchantment, the ASD husband begins to view his neurotypical wife in an adversarial manner. The autistic partner is naturally self-focused, and his mind-blindness does not enable him to easily put context toward many of her expectations. He starts to regard his wife as an encumbrance to peaceContinue reading “The Adversarial Dynamic of a neurodiverse marriage”
Secrets & Lies with ASD in neurodiverse marriages
One oddly pervasive misconception about autism is that individuals with ASD are unable to lie. It appears that the lack of tactfulness commonly associated with ASD has been frequently confused for an inability to be deceitful. Being “blunt” when his wife asks how she looks in a dress is certainly not the same thing asContinue reading “Secrets & Lies with ASD in neurodiverse marriages”
When do adult ASD meltdowns become manipulative?
Over the course of life, some ASD individuals might come to realize that emotional dysregulation can be used as a means in which to manipulate a desired outcome. While perhaps the majority of autistic meltdowns are sincerely the result of sensory and social-emotional overwhelm, it’s an unfortunate reality that sometimes ASD individuals use their frequentContinue reading “When do adult ASD meltdowns become manipulative?”
The tyranny of ASD rules in a neurodiverse marriage
ASD individuals are often very uncomfortable with change, and have a strong need for predictability. Black and white thinking that is common with autism also lends itself to narrow ideas about the way in which life should happen. In a marriage, rigid inflexibility can begin to feel like a dictatorship for the neurotypical wife whenContinue reading “The tyranny of ASD rules in a neurodiverse marriage”
The role of fear in the neurodiverse relationship
When the neurotypical wife marries her autistic husband after a dating period that was likely spent basking (unknowingly) in the role of his special interest, the attention of those early months or years is deeply imprinted upon her heart and mind. She is built for tenderness, connection and reciprocity. Having received such devotion for anContinue reading “The role of fear in the neurodiverse relationship”
The harm of minimizing neglect in a neurodiverse marriage
In our society, the concept of physical abuse is perceived as more egregious than other forms of abuse, and certainly more heinous than the idea of neglect. If a woman has been physically harmed, it is more universally accepted as intolerable behavior from an intimate partner. Outsiders to the marriage have an easier time imaginingContinue reading “The harm of minimizing neglect in a neurodiverse marriage”