Our introductory post regarding Pathological Demand Avoidance can be found here. As a behavioral profile of autism, PDA is exceptionally challenging to navigate in a neurodiverse relationship. By its nature, marriage intrinsically necessitates collaboration – which requires reasonable agreeability on the part of both spouses. If a PDA partner chronically pursues autonomy at the expenseContinue reading “Part 2: The Antithetical Nature of “Partnership” with a PDA Spouse”
Category Archives: ASD behaviors
The Private Hell of Holidays in a Neurodiverse Marriage
Winter holidays often come with many expectations in our culture. Cozy togetherness, matching pajamas, gatherings with family, parties with co-workers and friends. It’s a season of preparation. We plan, we shop, we bake, we select gifts, we wrap them carefully. We look forward with anticipation to sharing love and connection within our most special relationships.Continue reading “The Private Hell of Holidays in a Neurodiverse Marriage”
Can Abuse be Attributed to an Autistic Spouse?
October was Domestic Violence Awareness month. (And as much as I wanted to post this blog in the appropriate month, I couldn’t quite make it happen.) During October, survivors, advocates and allies come together in hopes of raising awareness, mourning the tragedy of lives lost, and discussing the trauma and experience of intimate partner violence.Continue reading “Can Abuse be Attributed to an Autistic Spouse?”
The Barren Desert of Emotional Reciprocity
Of all the various categories that require reciprocity in marriage, emotional reciprocity is at the heart of intimacy for a neurotypical wife. She is inherently drawn toward connection, and she desires the mutuality of synchrony with her husband. Since warm, loving, intimate relationships are a necessity for her neurology, the presence of chronic impassivity fromContinue reading “The Barren Desert of Emotional Reciprocity”
The Deprivation of Sense-Making for Cassandra
As human beings, we have a desire to understand our experiences, our relationships, our world and ourselves. When events occur that are surprising, unusual, or substantially outside of our expectations, we are driven to consider what factors influence the occurrence. We often don’t realize that sense-making is automated until we are confronted with a disruption.Continue reading “The Deprivation of Sense-Making for Cassandra”
The Criminalization of Emotion in Neurodiverse Marriages
Alexithymia is a condition in which one struggles to identify and verbalize emotion. It is closely associated with autism, as approximately half of ASD individuals meet criteria for alexithymia. The absence of emotional awareness from an ASD husband is a significant issue within neurodiverse marriages, as the disparity between himself and his neurotypical wife isContinue reading “The Criminalization of Emotion in Neurodiverse Marriages”
The Authoritarian Father & Stupid Child in a ND marriage
In some neurodiverse marriages, a father-daughter dynamic develops early on in the relationship. The ASD partner appoints himself as the authority figure, devolving over time into micromanaging his wife. It’s important to note that this type of parental interplay is highly different from the mother-son dynamic in ND marriages. What factors contribute to the father-daughterContinue reading “The Authoritarian Father & Stupid Child in a ND marriage”
The Surrogate Mother & Defiant Child in a ND Marriage
Healthy spouses have no desire to parent each other. They want a reciprocal partner, lover, companion, and equal. Ideally, a marriage is complementary. Both partners bring different strengths and gifts to the relationship, contributing equally to the care and maintenance of the marriage – but not the upkeep, nor management, of the other person. HealthyContinue reading “The Surrogate Mother & Defiant Child in a ND Marriage”
The Special Interest of Every Neurotypical Wife
After being discarded as the special interest of her ASD husband, the neurotypical wife is desperate to understand what is happening. She becomes obsessed with decoding her autistic spouse, though ASD may not even be on her radar for months or even years. She tirelessly strives to understand his myriad of unfamiliar behaviors that ultimatelyContinue reading “The Special Interest of Every Neurotypical Wife”
Is it an autistic shut down, or an ASD shut out?
What are the differences between an autistic shutdown, autistic burnout and a common (but less defined, and rarely discussed) dynamic in neurodiverse marriage – the autistic shut out? What is an autistic shutdown? An autistic shutdown in is a short-term reaction to overwhelm. Perhaps the autistic individual has masked for an extended period of time,Continue reading “Is it an autistic shut down, or an ASD shut out?”