The concept behind the name of Cassandra Syndrome is that a NT wife is sharing her reality with others, and being doubted. But what do her disclosures about the neurodiverse marriage really look like? To what degree is a neurotypical wife able to fully reveal the extent of her marital dynamic to others? A neurotypicalContinue reading “The secrets that Cassandra keeps”
Tag Archives: trauma
Secrets & Lies with ASD in neurodiverse marriages
One oddly pervasive misconception about autism is that individuals with ASD are unable to lie. It appears that the lack of tactfulness commonly associated with ASD has been frequently confused for an inability to be deceitful. Being “blunt” when his wife asks how she looks in a dress is certainly not the same thing asContinue reading “Secrets & Lies with ASD in neurodiverse marriages”
The tyranny of ASD rules in a neurodiverse marriage
ASD individuals are often very uncomfortable with change, and have a strong need for predictability. Black and white thinking that is common with autism also lends itself to narrow ideas about the way in which life should happen. In a marriage, rigid inflexibility can begin to feel like a dictatorship for the neurotypical wife whenContinue reading “The tyranny of ASD rules in a neurodiverse marriage”
The role of fear in the neurodiverse relationship
When the neurotypical wife marries her autistic husband after a dating period that was likely spent basking (unknowingly) in the role of his special interest, the attention of those early months or years is deeply imprinted upon her heart and mind. She is built for tenderness, connection and reciprocity. Having received such devotion for anContinue reading “The role of fear in the neurodiverse relationship”
The harm of minimizing neglect in a neurodiverse marriage
In our society, the concept of physical abuse is perceived as more egregious than other forms of abuse, and certainly more heinous than the idea of neglect. If a woman has been physically harmed, it is more universally accepted as intolerable behavior from an intimate partner. Outsiders to the marriage have an easier time imaginingContinue reading “The harm of minimizing neglect in a neurodiverse marriage”
Why does a neurotypical wife choose an ASD husband?
Many neurotypical wives struggle with understanding how they were drawn to choose their ASD partner, when so much of the marriage has been spent longing for emotional engagement. With highly empathic natures – how did they not recognize his difficulty with emotional reciprocity? Masking during the dating phase is very real, and certainly a significantContinue reading “Why does a neurotypical wife choose an ASD husband?”
Why do ASD husbands experience neurotypical feelings as an attack?
The communication difficulties between NT/ASD partners is usually a primary source of conflict, hurt and misunderstanding. The neurotypical wife feels very isolated and hopeless when the ASD husband is unable to receive her feelings and perspective. A neurotypical woman needs her intimate partner to be her softest place to land, the primary spot where sheContinue reading “Why do ASD husbands experience neurotypical feelings as an attack?”
Autism & Grief for the NT wife
The autism community is frequently vocal about how marginalized they feel when neurotypicals share their personal experience of marriage with ASD partners. They often express that neurotypicals have a lack of tolerance for autistic behaviors, that we perpetuate negative stereotypes of autism, that we are ableist and discriminatory and infantalizing (by merely voicing our perspective).Continue reading “Autism & Grief for the NT wife”
The Impact of Porn Use on a Neurodiverse Marriage
Many neurodiverse marriages are sexless. Quite often, the neurotypical wife is deeply grief-stricken at the lack of sexual intimacy in her marriage. She mourns the physical connection she hoped to have with her ASD husband. It’s too embarrassing to confide in any of her friends that her husband won’t have sex with her, so she’sContinue reading “The Impact of Porn Use on a Neurodiverse Marriage”
Why do NT wives minimize their needs?
A neurotypical wife is usually responsible for the emotional labor and practicalities in the neurodiverse family. She is the one who looks at the big picture and makes life happen. She picks up on the nuances – the sensitivities and vulnerabilities of her ASD spouse, her autistic or ADHD children, and all the special considerationsContinue reading “Why do NT wives minimize their needs?”